As I sit to write this post, I can’t help but wonder at what six months can be like. Better yet, it’s hard to believe how 2+ months can be like. I’ve had some hard stuff thrown at me as I attempt to finish this semester of college, putting me only two summer classes away from graduating. Well, I won’t go into details about “everything” that’s happened in this semester. Instead, I wanted to dedicate this post to something that happened in the past week, and what I’ve learned about killing the beast called “the ego.”
Just so I don’t give away any names or details about what happened, I’ll be brief about the incident. A friend of mine was going through a difficult time in her life. She got some help, and got past some of the stuff. It was then that I felt called by God to give her further moral support. But me and my big mouth ruined the opportunity! It turned out, I said something that was derogatory about said girl. I said this while I was sick with the flu, and was taking medication for it, so I wasn’t in the right state of mind. But I’m not trying to defend what I said. It was something that shouldn’t have been said, regardless of whether or not I was sick.
As the week has progressed, I’ve talked a little with this person. But the one thing I haven’t been able to do openly is come up front with her and apologize for what I said. There are two reasons why I haven’t done this, and it only partially occurred to me when I talked with some of my fellow Christian men. The first one I knew right off. Even after praying to God for forgiveness, I haven’t felt forgiven yet. I’m not sure if it’s because He hasn’t yet, and wants me to realize something, or whether or not I’ve forgiven myself.
The second reason came up in our discussion recently, and might even be connected with reason one. One of my friends said that I might be letting my ego get in the way, and I need to let it go and just apologize to my friend for what I said. I need to loose the ego, and do what is right.
So I guess that the point of this post is this: starting tonight, I will be praying for the grace and the courage to destroy my ego for good. It has been a burden on me all my life, especially in this past week. The ego is causing me so much trouble. I’m letting it get in the way of doing what’s right. And because of that, my relationship with God is becoming strained. So tonight, my mission to destroy the ego beast begins. Keep me all in your prayers.
My ego is going down…
